The bishop announces that Relief Society and Priesthood will
be combined for a lesson about dating. Mixed reactions sweep through the room.
My friends and I silently fist bump. We go to the class, sit down ready to hear
all about our frustrations with dating, and the teacher starts talking
about…marriage. Marriage? The only commitment I’m looking for involves Friday
nights, not Friday nights for the rest of eternity!
I asked my single friends for their biggest dating
frustrations. My friend Alex said “there's too much pressure. In the LDS world,
if a guy asks you out, it means he's singling you out as a potential wife. That’s
why we have "hang outs" and unofficial dates which are confusing
because that's what guy friends and girl friends do too. So what's going on? I
don't know!”
It does seem like it’s a much bigger deal to go on a date
than it did to our parents. Have you heard crazy stories about your parent’s
dating history? My mother-in-law went on about 50 dates in one summer. My dad
dated all the time. And it wasn't a
big deal for my mom to date guys and then date their roommates. Alex’s dad
dated all of her mom’s roommates before he dated her mom.
Some guys refuse to
even date anyone in their ward. They don’t want the complications that come
from it if the relationship doesn't work out. Other guys will date girls in the
ward but not girls in their FHE group, or only one girl per apartment.
I get the apartment one. It would be weird if my roommate
dated a guy I liked. I kind of understand the FHE rule. If a relationship didn't work out, future FHE activities would be awkward.
But if my husband had the “will not date girls in my ward” rule, we wouldn't have dated. And since dating is the natural lead to marriage… you get my drift.
My conclusion is: fight against the pressure and don’t close
doors. Spread the word that dating should be more frequent, more casual, and
more widespread. Dates can be so cheap and cheap dates can be so fun. If you
have a girl on your hands that demands you take her to the Melting Pot for a
date, drop her off at the Belmont and wish her well. We all just want to
socialize free of pain. You can
decide to shirk off the pressure and have fun. You can also prevent yourself
from finding your future wife in your ward ;) Decide.
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